Jesus said to his disciples:
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find;
knock and the door will be opened to you. – Matthew 7:7

She Who Hesitates…

Growing up in a big family, meal times were frantic. We usually had a big pot of something, like stew. A scoop was delivered into each bowl, and we would dive in. The goal was to eat as quickly as possible, so that one could get a second scoop before it was all gone. It was every Sullivan for him or herself. The result was that we learned to eat very quickly, which is not a particularly healthy life-long habit. Later, as an adult, I can remember spending days preparing Thanksgiving dinner for my family, only to see it inhaled 10 minutes after grace. I know it was enjoyed, but such haste was clearly something we all learned.

Competition

Another thing one learns in a large family is to speak up or do without. This mostly applied to the defense of one’s belongings. We shared everything, even clothing. We’d have to haggle over this T-shirt or that pair of jeans. As we became teenagers, we girls were all about getting personal time in the bathroom to take a shower, fix our hair, or put on makeup before school.

Nothing to see here

We also had to compete for parental attention. Once we were all grown, it was hard to get time with Mom. Most of her time and energy went to rescuing the younger members of our extended family who were in crisis or struggling. Because I did not have an emergency, I was invisible. Or so I thought.

Time is Precious

Finally, when I was well into my forties, I squared off with Mom about this. I told her I wanted time with her. Not for crisis management or to be rescued. I wanted hanging out time with my mother. No reason. Just because. At first she stared at me in disbelief. I don’t think it ever occurred to her that I might desire this kind of time with her, or that this kind of time existed. We began to go to movies, cook, and get together to decorate the Christmas tree. In the springtime we would picnic at the Berkley Rose Garden with tuna sandwiches, or go to get our nails done. She loved going for Mexican food. The louder the mariachi music, the better. I am so glad I spoke up to her about this part of our relationship. Mom passed away 5 years ago. Had I not asked, I would have very few of the memories I now cherish.

My brother, Mark has a great saying: “Don’t ask, don’t get.” He is so right! This is true of most opportunities, whether embraced or not. It also applies to our care for one another. We can and must speak up on behalf of those who do not have the power to ask for basic human necessities, such as fairness, food, material assistance, or just a place at the table.

If we want to be heard, we must start by speaking up.